Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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