She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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