walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
