I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
