i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
