We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
