I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
