Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
