I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
