glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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