By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
