girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's the barista slut.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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