I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Boobs are out for the taking
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drake has all the answers
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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