first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
