I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
