i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
