Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
