I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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