So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
