i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
