I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
