So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
