How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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