Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
