your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
