Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
