That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
