Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
