well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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