apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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