PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
