ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
