just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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