Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
