i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Less talking, more tequila
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
