Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
