Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
