Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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