Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
