I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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