Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Houston, we have a squirter
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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