5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
