I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
