If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I only lived at night.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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