I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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