why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found the puke drawer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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