Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
