I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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