You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
