haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
