I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He shit in the fireplace
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
